With each passing year of my life, I realize how much I have valued comfort. Safety, security, risk aversion… whatever it is called, having it was a priority. However, I now realize that achieving this state involves trade-offs, passing on new or different opportunities in order to enjoy certainty.
My reaction to This One to Grow On quote was like having a glass of cold water thrown in my face. I felt startled, angry, sad, and excited all at the same time. Buddhist teacher and author Pema Chodron suggests that to fully experience life we must willingly step outside any safety nets we have created.
I Like the Nest
The prospect of venturing beyond the nest to have new experiences is intriguing. It also sounds like it could be risky and dangerous. Could we do it and at least keep one foot in the nest, just in case we need to return to avoid danger? Is that like having your cake and eating it, too? I guess it is asking too much, but hey, at least I thought I would ask. The answer is obvious if we admit it; all parts of us must leave the nest to immerse ourselves in ways that challenge us.
If we admit that Pema Chodron is right and we must get out of the nest to be fully alive, human, and awake, then why do we put up resistance to going there? For me, it comes down to two reasons: fear of the known and fear of the unknown.
- Fear of the known. An understandable reason for not setting foot outside the nest is knowledge that it is a dangerous world out there. The harsh reality that 80-90% of new businesses fail could be all the warning an aspiring entrepreneur needs to shelve her dream of owning her own business. Concerns about airplane safety and terrorism grounds many people who would otherwise take their dream vacation. We are more informed than ever before. If there is a downside, it could be that information could evoke concerns… even when it should not have such an effect.
- Fear of the unknown. While fear of the known can be reasons we cite for staying within the friendly confines of the nest, fear of the unknown can unwittingly have a paralyzing effect. I see it often in people who say they want to change or grow. They will bemoan the job in which they are mired, but when conversation shifts to making a change they begin to change their tune. Their miserable job does have some positives going for it, they say. Before long, they have talked themselves out of new opportunities in order to stay with what they know. Never mind that what they know sucks; at least they know what they are getting. Taking a new job would entail many uncertainties—new boss, co-workers, culture, customers, break room. Avoiding the unknown by staying put sounds secure, but it keeps us away from the possibilities that come with new opportunities.
Taking Flight
Here is where Chodron’s quote feeling like a splash of cold water in my face happened. A colleague came by my office a couple of months ago with an opportunity. She had taught a study abroad in Finland for a few years, but she was unable to go this year. Another colleague who had planned to go in her place now was unable to make the trip. My colleague came to me to ask if I would teach the class to maintain the momentum of the program. My travel abroad experience is limited to a handful of trips to Canada to visit family.
The opportunity to teach a class in Finland would not just be going outside the nest. It would require spreading my wings and traveling thousands of miles away for three weeks. It was not the first time I had been asked to consider teaching a study abroad class, and my initial reaction mirrored thoughts that previously came to mind. They were excuses I told myself why I could not or should not go. However, something was different this time. I had been editing old blog posts that spoke to my situation. With titles such as “Take a Flier and Do It” and “Life is not a Spectator Sport,” I realized the messages in those posts applied to the decision at hand. If I did not put the advice in those posts into practice, I might as well delete those blog posts because I would be practicing what I was saying.
Yes, I decided to leave the nest that is my comfort zone, and I am going to Finland in May for three weeks. Is the trip and preparing for the class challenging me? Are other opportunities taking a back seat for the time being? The answer to both questions is “yes,” but I can already sense that the experience will benefit me in many ways. The impact I stand to realize will happen only because of my willingness to be thrown out of my nest.
One to Grow On
Appreciate the security of the nest, but we must not allow it to become a fortress from which we try to live and fend off uncertainties. Good feelings arising from a comfort zone may be false signals preventing us from having even more enjoyment or fulfillment if we avail ourselves to it.
Time to be thrown out of the nest… care to join me?
