Personal Growth - Don Roy, Ph.D.

One to Grow On: Eating Elephants

Dreams are essential to our existence because they inspire us, breathing life into taking on new projects or forcing us to go beyond our comfort zone. We imagine possibilities for our life that stand to make us happier, wealthier, healthier, or wiser. Dreams can be the catalyst of growth, but our dreams can end up overwhelming us if we are apprehensive in pursuing them.

When Dreams Remain Dreams

A dream can be little more than an unfulfilled longing if not acted upon… and if we could stack all of the dreams left unacted upon they would likely touch the stars in the sky. If dreams reflect a wonderful state we would like to reach, why do they often go not only unfulfilled but untouched? Among the most common reasons that we fail to take action on our dreams are:

Fear. You may have heard that fear can be thought of as an acronym for “False Evidence Appearing Real.” In other words, most of the fears that we feel are not actual dangers or risk to us. But, if we perceive danger or risk it is real in our minds, and the antidote for our fears is to avoid whatever it is that causes them. “What if my business idea fails and I go broke?” “What happens if I apply for the promotion and get passed over?” Why would anyone want to invest in my venture?” These negative thoughts are dream killers, even if based on false evidence.
The wrong dream. Sometimes we never act on our dreams because the outcomes we want may be wrong for us or are based on someone else’s dream. When I was a young boy, I thought about becoming a lawyer when I grew up. The reason was that all of the lawyers in my small hometown seemed wealthy and successful to me. If I wanted to be wealthy and successful then being a lawyer would be the ticket, right? Thankfully, I was able to shake that dream on my own, recognizing it was not my dream but the dream of others. Unfortunately, too many people become lawyers, accountants, engineers, or some other professional because it was the dream of their parents or someone else influential in their lives.
Lack of an action plan. Even when you defeat fear and have the right dream, you could remain stuck in dream mode if you do not have an action plan to turn your dream into reality. In most cases, I don’t think it is laziness or indifference that is creates this roadblock to pursuing a dream. It is lack of understanding about the route to take to get there.

Small Steps on a Long Journey

The lack of an action plan to act on a dream could be due to fear or that the dream is not energizing because it is not our own. Often, lack of an action plan can be attributed to a simple reason: We have no idea where to start or how to plan. The task of moving from point A to point B seems overwhelming. Perhaps it is here that fear is fed and becomes a convenient reason why not to pursue a dream.

Rather than being overcome by the enormity of the requirements of fulfilling a dream, we should heed the advice of General Creighton Abrams. He (along with many other people) have used the illustration of eating an elephant one bite at a time to make the point that grand undertakings are completed through a series of small steps. Recently, I had a dream for a book I wanted to write to help people transform their personal brand over the course of a year. The challenge: Writing 52 essays, with each essay being 600-700 words, and write them by the end of October. It would have been easy to stop right there and blow off the dream as unattainable (I know that because I have done so many times in my life). Instead, I broke down the project to pinpoint the number of essays I would need to write each week to be finished by the target date. To my surprise, I realized the goal could be achieved if I stuck to the plan I devised. I am pleased to report that I met my writing goal for the first week. The feat must be repeated over the next twelve weeks, but the combination of having a plan and evidence that I can do it is energizing me to keep building momentum.

Are You Hungry?

This week, take General Abrams’s advice and eat the elephant that is your big dream or project one bite at a time. When you go to a restaurant and the server brings out a plate filled with generous portions, you probably don’t say “take it away- I can’t eat that much food.” If you are like me, you dive in and take one bite at a time, enjoying the moment. Do the same to make your dream a reality.

One to Grow On: “It Might Have Been”

Growth entails taking risks, with the degree of risk ranging from taking us slightly out of our comfort zone to significant financial, emotional, and perhaps even physical risk. The thought of facing the consequences of taking risk is simply too much for some to bear, so they protect themselves by not taking risks. In a way, it is like protecting yourself by staying close to home and not venturing out because you feel safer. That is, until you learn that over 50 percent of auto accidents occur within five miles of home and seven million disabling accidents occur within the home each year. So much for playing it safe.

“I Couldn’t Do That” and Other Lies

One of the most effective tactics for risk avoidance is to simply not let risk into your life. In other words, just play it safe and you will not fail or get hurt. For most of my life, I excelled at risk avoidance. Then, the tide turned in 1994. While taking classes toward an MBA degree, I admired the work of some of my professors and got the idea for the next step in my career: Earn a PhD and become a college professor. I went to the library to look at catalogs of different universities to learn more about what it would take to become a PhD. My heart sank as I gathered the information. To complete a PhD program, I would have to do the following:

Complete two years of course work (“That would probably be very hard- I don’t know if I could do that”)
Pass a written comprehensive exam (“That, too would be very hard- I don’t know if I could do that”)
Pass an oral comprehensive exam before a faculty committee (“I couldn’t do that”)
Defend a topic for dissertation research and gain approval from a faculty committee (“I couldn’t do that”)
Defend completed dissertation to a faculty committee (“I couldn’t do that”).

Simply put, if I had listened to the voice calling for risk avoidance, I would not be a college professor today. Thankfully, I persevered over the self-doubt that tried to “protect” me on at least five different occasions… months before I took my first doctoral level class.

You may have never contemplated whether to pursue a graduate degree, but you probably find yourself needing to make a stretch decision occasionally, forced to confront that voice that wants to protect you from failure. You know the voice- it says things like:

I’m too old (or too young)
I don’t have enough experience
Only people with connections get chosen
I need to save more money

The voice means well, but in many cases it is lying to you. The decision to avoid risk has a dangerous side effect: Regret. The short-term relief of being spared embarrassment or disappointment may be eclipsed later by sadness and disappointment that you did not reach your potential.

No Regrets

The One to Grow On quote for this week has special significance in my life. It was my mother’s favorite quote. I never knew the source or context for “of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: “It might have been.” It comes from the poem “Maud Muller” by John Greenleaf Whittier, and is a timeless message about the regret of not taking action because of risk avoidance. My mother left this world thirty-five years ago, too soon and before I could ask her what regrets of inaction she had. She no longer exists in a physical presence, but the simple message passed down through Whittier’s quote is vivid in my mind and helped me in 1994 and many times since then..

Don’t be boxed in by limitations imposed in the spirit of avoiding risk. And, we owe it to those around us influenced by our words and actions to pass down Whittier’s lament. In the end, I would prefer to look back and proclaim “how great it was” instead of acknowledging “it might have been.”

Setting Goals to Take You to the Top

Author and speaker Micheal Burt says “everybody needs a coach in life.” For the past 22 years, my coach has been Zig Ziglar. My coach passed away this week at age 86. Zig was a coach to millions of people worldwide. I discovered Zig Ziglar in 1990 when I was struggling to make a career of life insurance sales and figure out what I wanted to do with my life. While Zig was known as a motivational speaker he was truly a teacher. His books and seminars were not “pump up” fluff but rather provided a framework for implementing meaningful change and improvement. Zig Ziglar’s influence molded my attitude and determination to accomplish all that I have done professionally.

My tribute to Zig Ziglar will not be some long essay about how he has changed me life, although I could easily do that. Instead, I will share with you one nugget from Zig’s teachings that have relevance to individuals and organizations: the importance of setting goals. As we enter the last month of 2012 and prepare to hit the ground running in January to take on a new year, now is a good time to consider the role setting goals can have in making 2013 successful for you and your organization.

One of Zig Ziglar’s well known quotes on this topic is “a goal properly set is partially achieved.” When we have sound goals, we are on the road to achieving them if for no other reason we understand what it is we are trying to achieve. After all, as Zig asked “how can you hit a target that you do not have?”

To address the “properly set” qualifier when setting goals, assess whether your goals SMAC. Are they:

Specific – Stating a goal of “5% increase in sales” is preferred to “increasing sales”
Measurable – If a goal is specific it tends to make it measurable so that it can be determined if the goal was attained
Achievable – If a goal is unrealistic it can demotivate, not exactly the idea in mind when setting goals
Challenging – In addition to giving direction, goals should force people and organizations to “stretch” in order to grow. Even if a goal is not attained, the process of pursuing it should result in improvement.

I was saddened to learn of Zig’s passing this week, but I take comfort in two things. One, his impact will be felt for a long time beyond his 86 years on earth. Two, while he is no longer serving us with his gifts he has moved on to take a seat in the “sales meeting for the ages,” a reward he spent most of his life earning. See you at the top, Mr. Ziglar.