Are you an encourager? We have people in our lives that support us, that urge us to keep going when we could talk ourselves out of action. Not only should we benefit from having encouragers around us, but we should pay it forward and encourage others who may need that nudge to take action and move forward.

Sadly, we also encounter disruptors in our life. They are the people who say it cannot be done, it is too risky. Disruptors might mean well, but their advice is detrimental to personal growth. Sometimes, their advice may not be well-intentioned. Their “help” is actually an attempt to hold you back.

This week’s One to Grow On quote is a Chinese proverb that exposes the disruptors in our lives. They are getting in the way of people who have committed to action. Disruptors are toxic and should be avoided at all costs.

Anatomy of a Disruptor

A disruptor could be a passive or active threat to your success. It can be tempting to write off a negative person as a malcontent or insignificant influence. Many times, the disruptor wants to spread misery like a virus. In that person’s mind, you should not have more success or fulfillment than them. Misery loves company, and you are invited along for the ride to nowhere with them.

While a disruptor could be mean-spirited and want you to wallow in their mediocrity, their insistence on holding you back could be driven by fear. They are afraid of being left behind. It is difficult for them to keep up with progress and growth. Doing so may require stepping outside their comfort zone. Rather than assume the risks associated with the possibility of failure, some disruptors play it safe and long for you to keep them company.

Attract Encouragers

The preceding discussion about disruptors was not much fun to write and even a bit depressing. Focus on those people who will not stand in the way and interrupt while you are “doing.” Take these action steps:

• Surround yourself with encouragers. The late author and success expert Jim Rohn said we are the average of the five people with whom we spend the most time. Who are those five people in your life? Are they encouragers or disruptors? You may be uncomfortable with the idea of “firing” your friends, even if they try to exert negative influence. At the very least, be aware of friends’ impact on your growth. If they are disruptors, recognize them as such and do not allow them to have disproportionate effect on your development.
• Make the proper inputs. It is easy to put down certain people for holding us back… too easy. We can be our own worst enemy when we fill our minds with self-doubt, false rationalizations, and negative thoughts about our potential for action. Ensure your inputs are consistent with an encourager’s mindset.
• Be an encourager to others. We attract what we give. If you want to be surrounded by encouragers, you must be one to the people you serve. You cannot be a disruptor in others’ lives and expect to have encouragers give you support. In short, give encouragement to get it.

Where Will You Be Standing?

The Chinese proverb calls for us to get out of the way of others in their growth journey. Instead, we should be standing beside or behind them, being a resource to help them overcome the abundant disruption they will face.  This week, I will be more mindful of where I stand and strive to be an encourager, not a disruptor. At the same time, I am looking around me to assess whether there are influences that are standing in my way.