Stop Trying to Please Others


Authenticity is one of the most admirable traits a brand exhibits. In a world of manufactured images, authenticity reveals one’s true character. Marketing expert and author Seth Godin says authenticity goes beyond being the real you; authenticity is doing what you promise. Sounds simple enough, but pressures to please others and adapt to shifting trends and desires can make it challenging to consistently follow through on promises.

A call to strive for authenticity can be heard in the words of playwright and author Raymond Hull. If our aim is to please others, we could end up looking little like ourselves. Following through on promises is a better long-run approach than changing based on others’ whims.

He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away. Raymond Hull quote.

Forget Pleasing Others

One of the most memorable books I read to my sons when they were young was from the Scruffy the Tugboat series. I cannot recall the title, but in the story Scruffy sets out to make friends with other boats. He tells one boat “you’re my best friend.” He proceeds to tell other boats the same thing. All is OK until Scruffy’s friends talk among themselves and discover Scruffy led each of them to believe they were special. Scruffy confessed, saying he only wanted to make them happy and not hurt their feelings.

When we trim ourselves to suit others, we lose sight of the impact we could have. Our value proposition is not dependent on making others happy. We create value by making other people’s lives better in some way. We teach, support, entertain, help—none of these value-added activities require us to deviate from our character. You can please others by delivering on your brand promise. That is how you suit them, not by bowing to what you think they want.

Sorry, Not Sorry

Like Scruffy the Tugboat, we can become consumed with making others happy. A brand cannot have universal appeal. It is impossible to be all things to all people. Even the most popular brands have detractors. Some people are turned off by the price; others think the brand image is too snobby. Yet others think the quality is inferior. More reasons could be cited, but you get the point.

Personal brands are no different. You will not be universally adored. Some people will think you are arrogant; others perceive you are incompetent. A few people see you as dishonest, and so on. While it is not fun to have haters, accept this characteristic as coming with the territory of having a brand. You need not apologize to anyone for any negative associations they have with your brand.

Brands have meaning and value for a certain audience. Your brand is reinforced in the minds of that audience by achieving consistency in words and actions. Authenticity is currency with your audience. You build up equity with them, making deposits every time you deliver on your brand promise.

Change your Focus

Take to heart the words of Raymond Hull and stop trying to please others. Instead, focus on becoming incredibly consistent in what you say and do. Those people with whom your consistency resonates will feel a deeper connection with you. And those people who don’t get you… chances are nothing will change their minds.

Which group do you want to focus on serving?


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Author: Don Roy

Marketing educator, blogger, & consultant- Having fun with all of the above!

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